


I Loved You Then, I Love You Now

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Reaper76 [30]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Character Death, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fighting, Heavy Angst, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Memories, Serious Injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-07-30 01:20:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16276250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Reaper's hunt is over, Jack Morrison is finally at his mercy and yet why is he the one who feels like he's coming apart at the seams as memories he had forgotten are brought back to the surface.





	I Loved You Then, I Love You Now

_‘Remember, I will still be here._

_As long as you hold me, in your memory._

_Remember me._

_I am the one voice in the cold wind, that whispers._

_And if you listen, you’ll hear me call across the sky._

_As long as I still can reach out and touch you._

_Then I will never die.’_

(Josh Groban, 'Remember Me')

****

   He can feel Jack’s throat moving beneath his fingers, can feel every attempt to suck in breath past the clawed hand he has wrapped around it, the sound almost deafening with how close their faces are right now. There are pin pricks of crimson staining the pale skin, blood beginning to flow as the tips of his claws pressed deeper into vulnerable flesh, the coppery tang in the air adding to the intoxicating feeling of triumph that is sweeping through him. He had thought that this moment, this victory had been stolen from him back in Zurich. He had spent countless hours cursing and snarling at what he now knew was an empty grave, claws raking at the stone that had marked his greatest failure. It had felt like coming alive again when Sombra had caught footage of the infamous Solider 76 without his mask on. The features were different, aged and marred by the same explosion that had turned him into…this monstrosity…but there was no mistaking that it was Jack Morrison hiding behind the mask, and from that moment the hunt had been on.

    A small part of him was surprised at how long it had taken him to capture his prey. The old Jack would have been easy to track, easy to find, but this new Jack was sly and slippery, words that he would never have thought to associate with Jack Morrison. In the past it would have amused Reaper to have his own methods turned against him, but now it had done nothing but stir up his hunger, his desire to bring this to an end. Jack had no right to change, to move on, to adapt to this new life. He should have died that day, bled out in the same ruins that had killed Gabriel Reyes, and this time Reaper would make sure that it happened. He was going to make sure that the empty grave that had borne the brunt of his rage for so long finally had an occupant.

    Jack bucked beneath him, desperation written in every movement as he tried to throw Reaper off, a futile attempt in his current state but it didn’t stop Reaper from tightening his chokehold with a vicious snarl. The choked noises that followed were music to his ears, but he didn’t want it to end too soon, he still had questions to ask and this was a death he wanted to savour, completely different to his usual kills which were quick and efficient. He wanted to watch Jack suffer and taste in on his soul when he finally devoured it. He wanted the younger man to experience the same anguish, the same terror that had engulfed him that day in Zurich when his life had slowly slipped away, even as he listened to the sound of rescue teams working nearby, teams that he now knew had played a role in Jack’s survival.

“How does it feel Jack?” Reaper whispered as he loosened his hold, just enough to let Jack suck in desperate, wheezing breaths before leaning in closer and trailing his other hand across the scarred features. It was a grim parody of a past habit and for a moment he faltered, vision wavering as he recalled the sensation of running warm fingers over soft skin, feeling Jack’s lips quirk upwards in a smile, blue eyes brighter than the summer sky as their gazes met. A soft noise, part growl, part anguished groan escaped as he shoved the memory away, feeling his form trembling, threatening to collapse as emotions that he didn’t want bubbled to the surface. “Damn you, why couldn’t you have died back then?” His hand was tightening again, fury blurring his vision and it took him a few minutes to realise that Jack’s gaze was fixated on him, that the hand that had been scrabbling against his had fallen away.

   Blinking, his form slowly becoming more solid as he loosened his grip once more, eyes narrowing behind his mask as Jack promptly took the opportunity to suck in air, choking weakly, but never once letting his gaze wander away from him. There were none the emotions he’d been expecting, no anger, no hate and no sign of the fear that he had been waiting for, longing for from the moment he had learnt that was Jack still alive. Instead there was something warm and undefinable in the unwavering gaze and he snarled as he let his clawed fingers wander towards Jack’s eyes. A silent threat as he drew a line across a weathered cheek, blood bubbling up in the wake of his claw as he demanded. “Why? Why are you looking at me like that?” _Why are you looking at me as though you know me? As though I was still him?_

“Are you going to kill me Gabe?” Jack’s voice had been hoarse before, age and old injuries having taken its toll on the soft, Midwestern accent he had remembered and now it was worse, ragged and barely audible after having Reaper’s hand bearing down his throat. However, it did little to lessen the impact of his words and Reaper recoiled with a hiss, feeling his form threatening to give way again as he fought the urge to lurch away from his prey. _Why? Why do you still have this power over me? Why does that name mean anything to me?_

“Yes.”

    He had poured as much of his hate, his anger as he could into that single word. Waiting, hoping to see Jack flinch at his tone. Wanting to see the moment the other man realised that this, all of this was going to end today, but of course Jack had never played by his rules back then, and apparently that hadn’t changed as the pale features slowly relaxed into something peaceful. “I see.” The peace was ruined a moment later by a wet cough, blood speckling his chin as he contorted under the force of it and Reaper felt a shiver in the air, the same elusive call that had always led him to those who were dying, and he sucked in a breath as Jack calmed and focused on him once more. “You’re going to have to hurry, if you want to do it yourself.” He had moved before he knew what he was doing, clawed hand settling back in its previous position and yet he found himself faltering, unable to tighten his hold, frustration bubbling up.

“Why won’t you fight back?” He demanded, shifting again, half wraith now and he was pleased to see Jack shiver. But it was still a far cry from the reactions he wanted, that he had expected from this man, after all Jack had always been a fighter, always too stubborn to know a lost cause when it was in front of him. It was why Jack had clung onto the relationship between them for so long, refusing to realise that it was gone, torn from them by Overwatch and Blackwatch, by words unspoken and his own decision to take a promotion that neither of them should have taken. He had wanted to see that stubbornness one more time. He had wanted to tear it apart with his own hands, to see that one moment when Jack realised that this wasn’t a battle he could win, and the bastard was taking it from him. “Why won’t you let me have this?!” _Why are you taking this from me as well?_

    Whatever response he’d been expecting, the last thing he had been expecting was for Jack to reach up towards him with trembling fingers, the peaceful expression on his face finally broken as the movement jarred his injuries. But Reaper had no time to appreciate the crack in his armour, because the reaching fingers had reached his mask and he froze half expecting Jack to attempt to tear of his mask in the way that he had ripped Jack’s away when he had caught him. Instead the fingers moved softly, gently over the curves of his mask, tracing it with the same intensity that he had always used when they’d had a rare lazy day, curling together in bed and taking the time to imprint each other’s body on their memory. It was painfully familiar and for half a moment he found himself leaning into the touch, yanking himself back a second later with a growl when he realised what he’d been doing, unsure of which of them he was angrier with now. These memories, these feelings, why were they coming back now? He had feared they might return when he first realised Jack was alive, but there had been nothing, not even the faintest whisper of them returning, but now he could feel them stirring again and he cursed. “Damn you.”

“You remember,” Jack seemed unperturbed by his anger, voice a little weaker than before and Reaper hated the fact that it stopped him from pulling away any further, hovering, torn between moving closer and ending this and fleeing. At least that was what he tried to tell himself, but he could feel it himself, that the bloodlust that fuelled him through their brief and brutal fight, fanned to great heights after months on the hunt was all but gone and he hated it.

“I remember nothing,” Gabriel…no Reaper hissed, and there was a fresh spark of fury in his chest as he lashed out, claws drawing blood and a startled hiss from Jack as a fresh wound was drawn down the length of his face, and yet still the idiot didn’t flinch away. There was still no sign of anger, of hate in the blue eyes, just acceptance and he wanted to take it and crush it, leaning in again, breath hot and heavy as he leant in to whisper against Jack’s ear. “No, I do remember something. I remember being left in the ruins of Zurich, with nothing but your empty words, your promises that you would fix everything ringing in my ears. I was left to die Jack, left behind whilst you got out of there.” His voice had risen by the end, anguish fuelling his volume as he remembered that day, the echoes of their argument ringing his ears. Remembering the way, he had desperately tried to drag up a happier memory of the two of them, only to realise that there was nothing happy to recall from the past few years, it had been that which had finally broken him, that had drained the fight from him that day.

“I didn’t want to be pulled out…”

   It took a few minutes for the whispered words to break through the haze of memories and anger, and when they did it felt like he had been punched in the stomach, breath catching in his throat as he refocused on Jack and saw the sincerity on his face.

“J-Jack.”

“I lost you,” Jack whispered, voice fading and Reaper…Gabriel…found himself leaning closer, suddenly desperate to catch his words, flinching when Jack’s fingers found his mask again. “I thought that you were dead. That you had died thinking I hated you, and I tried…” He trailed off, coughing again, body twisting and contorting as he tried to ride out the fit, gasping in air when he could and Gabriel found himself moving without thought, trying to shift him into a more comfortable position, hesitating for a moment before he let one of his gloves dissolve. Jack’s flesh was cool to the touch, and he could feel the tremors wracking him and it took everything he had not to pull back, not to lose himself in the memories as he ran a thumb over the flesh he had torn not moments before. “Gabe…”

“Shh, Jackie…” The pet name escaped before he could stop it and they both stilled for a moment, Jack’s fit slowly fading as he stared at Gabriel before a faint smile flicked across his face before he reached up to grasp the hand that was still resting against his cheek.

“I tried to find you,” he whispered, turning his head just enough to brush his lips against Gabe’s hands as his grip faltered, and this time it was Gabriel who grabbed his hand, holding it in place and trying to hold himself together, form flickering as warmth spread from the spot that Jack had just kissed. “I searched Gabe…I…” He trailed off gasping for breath, eyes threatening to close, and Gabriel leant in, panic flooding him as he clung to Jack’s hand. “I searched…I searched.” The peaceful expression was gone now, replaced by tears shimmering in the blue eyes as Jack fought to keep them open, to keep his gaze locked on Gabriel.

“Jack.” Jack shook his head, cutting him off and there was something about the desperation in his expression that stopped Gabriel from saying anything else or from stopping him when Jack moved, hissing in pain as he moved so that he was cradling Gabriel’s mask in both hands, grip weak and it was only sheer stubbornness that gave him the strength to lift the mask away. Gabriel tensed, waiting for the fear, waiting for Jack to recoil, but the blue eyes were soft, a faint smile tugging at his lips even as tears trickled down his cheeks. _Jack, how can you look at me like that?_ Whatever vanity he’d once had was long gone, but he knew what lay beneath the mask. There was little of Gabriel Reyes left to be seen, and yet Jack…Jack was reaching for him, fingers ghosting over scarred skin, trailing across burns, seemingly unfazed by the more monstrous parts before he pulled back just enough to meet Gabriel’s gaze.

“I l-loved you then Gabe, just as much as I did before the promotion…before everything went wrong between us…” Jack whispered, voice wavering and Gabriel sucked in a startled, pained breath as he felt himself wavering again, threatening to come undone at the words he had wanted to hear that day in Zurich. “I...” Jack’s fingers faltered, his entire body shaking as he struggled for breath as fresh blood trickled down his chin, but the blue eyes were as determined as ever as he tried to get the words out. “I love…” The words were lost in another coughing fit, only this one showed no sign of stopping and Gabriel hastily moved to support him, shifting them until he was supporting Jack against his chest, trying to hold them both together as Jack fought for air, blood speckling them both now. “G-G…” Gabriel growled, the idiot was still trying to finish even when he could barely breath.

“Mi Luna.” The new nickname silenced Jack and Gabriel’s expression softened as he let his gloveless hand drift up to the snowy hair that had replaced the blond hair he remembered. “Jack…you don’t have to say it. I…” He paused, faltering as he realised that he could no longer hear the ragged sound of Jack’s breath, or feel the desperate tremors of the younger man trying to suck in air and a leaden weight settling in the pit of his stomach as he leaned forward to peer down at him. “Jack…” There was no response, and his form threatened to disintegrate completely as he realised that the peaceful expression had returned only this time it was accompanied with half-closed eyes that no longer saw anything, and a howl shivered its way up his throat. “Jack…Mi Luna…Jack…”

   He had to move, slipping out from under Jack and laying him on the ground as gently as he could, as though he was made of spun glass, fingers and form shaking as he reached out to brush away the tears that had fallen, faltering before gently closing the blue eyes. _Jack_ … This had been what he wanted, what he had set out to achieve, but there was no hint of triumph, no victory in this death. Memories. Feelings that he had thought lost, forgotten, brought back to the surface and he hated and loved it in equal measures, a broken noise slipping free as he leant in, fighting tooth and nail to hold himself together. His lips were gentle, barely applying any pressure as he kissed both closed eyes. Eyes that had seen the changes that Zurich and time had brought on him and not judged him, eyes loved him just the same as they had back then, before moving down to press a chaste kiss to bloodied lips.

“I loved you then, I just couldn’t remember it on my own,” he whispered, closing his eyes as he pressed their foreheads together, shivering as the chill seeping in penetrated even his body and he faltered for a moment, fingers curling into the tattered material of the worn leather jacket. “And Jack…Mi Luna, I love you now.”


End file.
